When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?
My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football. What a bunch of idiots. I'm gay because I like cock.
If your going to be two faced at least make one of them pretty.
How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally.
No Deja vu please...I Don't want to go through that again
Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just blow the leaves at each other's houses, right?
The kiss is a wordless articulation of desire whose object lies in the future, and somewhat to the south.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones? Because they were still monkeys.
Blind man walks into a bar... And a table, and a chair.
Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace.
668 The neighbour of the beast.
I tried to get back to the drawing board but I can't draw.
What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.
Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.