Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward.
One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.
Why is there so much blood in my alcohol system?
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I met my soulmate. She didn't.
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
I like to finish other people's sentences because... my version is better.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
I hate lying people, they're always in my way to the ocean.
I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade".
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?