Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
After the weekend the most difficult task is to remember names...
Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."
Sorry, I'm out of my mind at the moment, please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
A couple years ago my therapist told me I had problems letting go of the past.
Your as worthless as, Tits on a boar hog.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.