Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? A: Nothing, they just waved.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail.
Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they're 100% off,
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
Marriage is the main reason for divorce.
Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.
The only reason the term 'Ladies first' was invented was for the guy to check out the woman's ass.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
Loneliness is when a person always knows where all of his things are.
If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.
Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them.
Looking at you, I understand why some animals eat their young.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.