What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.
Identity theft is the most diabolical way someone can compliment you on doing a good job at life.
Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.
What would martin luther king be if he was white? Alive.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.
It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
We All KEA! My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, "Assembly required."
Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.
You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!
My daughter told me she wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don't think she'd be a good secret agent.
Life is a comedy for those who think, but a tragedy for those who feel.
What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.
Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book".
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
For my next trick I need a condom and a volunteer...