What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!
They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts.
People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired.
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
Cancer cures smoking.
Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.
Five Secrets of Successful People:1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do!
Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.
Sorry I didn't text you back, but my phone recognized your number.
I have one of those unlimited cell phone plans. There's no limit to how much they can charge me.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
I'm watching my neighbor through the blinds, he's so creepy.