If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!
It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen...
I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your backside is refreshing.
How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?
Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.
You're more special than relativity.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Baby you're so cute you made my page 404.
May you never leave your marriage alive.
This must be the 8th castle because I just found my princess.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
One head is ok, but a whole body is much better.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.
Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Do you need space? Join NASA!
Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)
If someone notices you with an open zipper, answer proudly: professional habit.