If God hadn't meant the pussy to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco.
What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.
Q: What do you call a bunch of dead black people in a barn? A: Out dated farming equipment.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 ho's.
When people don't make sense, listen to music. It always does.
Before the wedding I have loved all the women on earth, after the wedding one woman less.
What is a blonde's favorite color? Glitter.
Life's a jungle let's go to your place and fuck like animals!
How do you make a black nervous? Take him to an auction.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue.
Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius... I've been using money.
Why does a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means Stop.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...
Kids asked if they could do something & I said yes so my wife lowered my security clearance & now I'm not authorized to make those decisions
You was sent back to earth from hell becasuse the devil choked on your soul.