I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.
Men read Playboy for the articles, women go to malls for the music.
I'm sure there's a supplement I could take or another easy solution to cure my laziness. Someone look into it for me.
It's not love until you don't want them to have a good time without you.
Laziness Level: I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries
Hello, you've reached 1-800-NARCISSIST, how can you help me?
Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications.
Where the woman's neck ends the infinity begins.
I can't decide which room not to clean first.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Q: How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?
Virginity is not dignity, but lack of opportunity.
All panties aside, it's Friday.
A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
My five-year-old: "I don't want to be your daughter anymore. I QUIT!" No two-week notice or anything. She'd better not expect a reference.
In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
If I wanted to get trapped in a scary maze, I'd just go into my kid's bedroom.
My room + internet connection + music + food homework = perfect day.