There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? A Yoghurt's got culture!
Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
You're so pretty, you could be in a beer commercial.
You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't!
How do you make a black nervous? Take him to an auction.
I'm selling a parachute just as new, used only one time, didn't open once.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.