How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FORE!
Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.
How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.
Old Chinese proverb: Rape impossible! Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!
A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.
Laziness Level: I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
If you don't like my opinion of you improve yourself!
I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".
Spent 15min tracing a suspicious noise that tuned out to be the lid not screwed on the Coke bottle tightly enough. If you need a top sleuth.
I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.
Men read Playboy for the articles, women go to malls for the music.
I'm sure there's a supplement I could take or another easy solution to cure my laziness. Someone look into it for me.
It's not love until you don't want them to have a good time without you.
In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
Hello, you've reached 1-800-NARCISSIST, how can you help me?
Useless trying to undo a mistake. Focus your efforts on new ones.
My wine drinking is merely functional... My personality is better with a little marinade.