You're more special than relativity.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
You must be a magnetic monopole because all I get from you is attraction.
Idiot college called, they want there mascot back.
Do you need space? Join NASA!
Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the Histoy channel.
An iron rule of a leader make love to your wife in the morning and you will be the first.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Baby you're so cute you made my page 404.
Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)
If someone notices you with an open zipper, answer proudly: professional habit.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
Salary is like a period you wait for it a whole month and it ends in a week.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.