Idiot college called, they want there mascot back.
The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years!
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
If you see me with a water bottle, there's probably vodka in it
Nothing brings neighbors together, like a broken elevator.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo.
The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.
It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen...
Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.
Darling, will you catch me if I jump into the water?' Darling, if I say yes, will you jump?
Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?
What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
People always say to do exercise, I do Breathing... Could I be more WORKING!
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
I didn't know angels could fly so low.
If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your backside is refreshing.