Q: What do you call a bunch of dead black people in a barn? A: Out dated farming equipment.
What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.
When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.
Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex? Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers.
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!
Sex on tv can't hurt unless you fall off.
When you want to marry a beautiful, a smart and a rich woman marry three times.
Why'd the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong pair of socks.
I'm selling a parachute just as new, used only one time, didn't open once.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.
If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? Because it's all heart.
Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fucking me.
He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar.
If you can't buy a person, you can always sell him.