You should be wearing a jersey so i dont have to ask for your name or number
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
Men mostly hate two words: 'not' and 'enough'... unless you say them together.
If at first you don't succeed: try management.
Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends.
I dont care or think about the people in my past... there is some reason why they didn't make it to my future!
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
You don't notice the air, until someone spoils it.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
Wife renewed me for another season.
Like a flat tire.......how I'm rolling this morning.
My wife installed a mirror over our bed. She said she likes to watch herself laugh.
Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.
Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.
When you don't know, what you are doing, it's best, to do it quickly.
Relationship Status: I'm a Rubik's Cube. Now try and figure me out.
I forgot my coffee this morning so I'm gonna drive on the rumble strips along the side of the road all the way to work just to be safe.
Nope. Not gonna follow anyone whose name is upside down. I got enough problems.