Why do blacks wear white gloves? So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.
Cannibals like to meat people.
How long does it take a black lady to shit? About 9 months.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on facebook!
Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
I'm smiling. This should scare you.
Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect.
If the music's too loud you're too old.
Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.
It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
You shouldn't come back, because later you'll still want to leave.
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"