Darling, will you catch me if I jump into the water?' Darling, if I say yes, will you jump?
Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.
The only thing more important than your happiness is mine so get on it.
I think I married someone else's soulmate. I wish they'd come get him.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Salary is like a period you wait for it a whole month and it ends in a week.
Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".
How do you make a black nervous? Take him to an auction.
You are not even beneath my contempt.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt.
If someone notices you with an open zipper, answer proudly: professional habit.
I will have enough money for the rest of my life. Of course, if I don't buy and eat anything.
Virginity is curable.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"
HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPS LOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MAD BECAUSE THEY THINK I AM SHOUTING AT THEM OVER INTERNET. PLEASE HELP!!!