What did the painter say to her boyfriend? "I love you with all my art!"
I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!
I need to stop drinking so much milk. It's an udder disgrace.
If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it.
Why is Justing Bieber like a shotgun? Give him a cock and he will blow!
2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.
An angry woman can pack everything she owns in an hour, but it will take her a week to pack for vacation? Women...
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
Born free, taxed to death.
I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms.
I saw a man yesterday who was so bald I could see what he was thinking.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
FRIDAY is my second favorite F word.
I found out about you from my last nightmare.
You're so fat that your husband rolled over after sex, rolled over again and was STILL on top of you.
You look like the grinch with plastic surgery gone wrong!
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Are you the energizer bunny cause you just keep going and going through my mind.
At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die.