Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.
My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a "unicorn"
I'd like to start today by telling you how wonderful (NAME) is. I'd like to but...
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
I can't get enough minimalism.
Men of quality respect women's equality.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving.
Dear ladies, if you want to have more free time and have fun on the weekends, teach your men fishing!
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
What did the painter say to her boyfriend? "I love you with all my art!"
I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!
I need to stop drinking so much milk. It's an udder disgrace.
If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it.
Why is Justing Bieber like a shotgun? Give him a cock and he will blow!
2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.