If he hurts you, cry a river and then drown him in it.
Why is Justing Bieber like a shotgun? Give him a cock and he will blow!
2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
I wanted to thank you personally for the like. That's why I'm in your house.
What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel.
Are your parents siblings?
Do you believe in love at first sight or do i pass by you again.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself.
There is no point of running away form a sniper. You will die from exhaustion.
What do you call one black on the moon? Problem. What do you call ten blacks on the moon? Problems. What do you call the entire black population on the moon? Problem solved.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it ...so I said "Implants?"
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
Football gave me a traumatic brain injury and I was only watching.
A four letter word that every man is afraid of? (More)
"Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."
Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.