If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.
My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a "unicorn"
I'd like to start today by telling you how wonderful (NAME) is. I'd like to but...
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
Do you raise chickens? Because you raise my cock.
Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win... they lose.
Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.
Excuse me? Do you work at Little Ceasars? Cuz Ur Hot And I'm Ready.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away.
I wanted to thank you personally for the like. That's why I'm in your house.
What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel.
Are your parents siblings?