How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't suit his taste!
Whiteboards are remarkable.
Let's convert our potential energy into kinetic energy.
Where does one apply to be a "kept man"?
Do you raise chickens? Because you raise my cock.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
I'm blonde. What's your excuse?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don't cross the country and are back home in a few hours.
I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
Everyone my age is older than me...
What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.
What do you call a fish with no eye? FSH
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win... they lose.
Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge.
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she's pregnant.