I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Football gave me a traumatic brain injury and I was only watching.
A four letter word that every man is afraid of? (More)
"Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."
I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don't cross the country and are back home in a few hours.
Don't drink while driving you will spill the beer.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.
My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?
There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
I'm blonde. What's your excuse?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
Everyone my age is older than me...
What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.