I wanted to thank you personally for the like. That's why I'm in your house.
What is a vampires favourite type of ship? A blood vessel.
Are your parents siblings?
Do you believe in love at first sight or do i pass by you again.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself.
What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.
What do you call a black priest? Holy Shit.
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
If you jingle my bells ill promise you a white Christmas.
Don't drink while driving you will spill the beer.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?
There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.