What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
People always say to do exercise, I do Breathing... Could I be more WORKING!
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
I didn't know angels could fly so low.
If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!
It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen...
I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your backside is refreshing.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.
I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
May you never leave your marriage alive.
This must be the 8th castle because I just found my princess.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
One head is ok, but a whole body is much better.
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on facebook!
Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.