This must be the 8th castle because I just found my princess.
May you never leave your marriage alive.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle.
My "it's cold outside" post just went viral on Facebook.
Haven't seen any UFOs lately. Wondering if the galaxy is downsizing their space programs too.
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on facebook!
I start every conversation with my employees by saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.
I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well.
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.
If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time.