Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
I feel like Tampax at a good place, but wrong time...
How do hens always know what size your egg cup is? They don't but all eggs always fit.
I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by.
You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.
I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.
What do you call a black with no arms? Trustworthy.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I thought you'd be flattered that my dog found your leg so attractive.
Lets unzip our genes and see if we can share codes together.
Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? Women working at 900 numbers.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company...
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they are used to eating nuts!
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions.
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.