What do you call a black with no arms? Trustworthy.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I thought you'd be flattered that my dog found your leg so attractive.
Lets unzip our genes and see if we can share codes together.
I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company...
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they are used to eating nuts!
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions.
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
She's so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!
If the answer to all questions is yes, so why not?
Coldplay is like depression you can hear.
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.