Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions.
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
She's so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!
If the answer to all questions is yes, so why not?
Coldplay is like depression you can hear.
I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.
Sex is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!
We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
What's six inches long that women love? Folding money.
Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? "I'm sweet on you!"
Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)
Baby you're so cute you made my page 404.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.
Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.