Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Sex is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!
We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.
What's six inches long that women love? Folding money.
Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? "I'm sweet on you!"
I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.
Baby you're so cute you made my page 404.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.
Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.
One head is ok, but a whole body is much better.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
This must be the 8th castle because I just found my princess.
May you never leave your marriage alive.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.