It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.
One head is ok, but a whole body is much better.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
This must be the 8th castle because I just found my princess.
May you never leave your marriage alive.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.
I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.
My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle.
My "it's cold outside" post just went viral on Facebook.
Haven't seen any UFOs lately. Wondering if the galaxy is downsizing their space programs too.
A pedigree bulldog missing. Founders rest in peace.'
I start every conversation with my employees by saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.
I'm an adult. I don't cry over spilt milk unless it has coffee in it.
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well.
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?