My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
My track record as an adult is mostly false starts, hurdles and running around in a circle.
My "it's cold outside" post just went viral on Facebook.
Haven't seen any UFOs lately. Wondering if the galaxy is downsizing their space programs too.
A pedigree bulldog missing. Founders rest in peace.'
I start every conversation with my employees by saying, "I shouldn't be telling you this" just so I know they will listen.
I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well.
Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.
If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time.
I'm ready to start a family, in the sense that I have enough chip clips for 6 people.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, "Everyone just eats it."