To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
I hate when someone wants to have sex with me for superficial reasons before they even know how funny.
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful.
The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.
I'm not racist, my shadow is black.
What does NAACP stand for? National Association of Apes Called People.
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Do you know if pigs have periods?' Are you kidding me? What idiot would keep a pig until she's 14?'
A genius lives in every one of us. Each day more and more heavily...
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on facebook!
I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.
Nowadays, most of the children dream about an IPhone, when I was a child I wanted a dog.
Im not saying I'm number one, uh sorry I lied I'm number one two three four and five.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.