Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
Baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple.
Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.
I'll bet your parents hit the JERKpot!
If you were a pole I would dance all over you.
Want to take a look at my benefit package?
I organized a threesome for (NAME)'s last night of freedom. There were a couple of no-shows, but he still had fun.
Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color.
Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they're asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
There's something actionable in your pants.
I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
If I got a penny for everyone I've met who is as beautiful as you, I'd have all the money in the world.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in!
Why are Fathers like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.
Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.
Why did the snowman call his dog Frost ? Because frost bites !