Why did the snowman call his dog Frost ? Because frost bites !
Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.
Hey, you! Yes, you! Scrolling reels are like a full-time job. You are pretty, my angel. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger...
I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Can someone just invent a mirror that takes pictures already!
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.
I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I'm already visualising the duct tape across your mouth.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.
Q: What do you call a bunch of dead black people in a barn? A: Out dated farming equipment.
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.
What would we get if we'd cross one nigger and octopus? I have no idea, but it picks cotton like crazy.
When you want to marry a beautiful, a smart and a rich woman marry three times.