What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.
For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?
My wife's maggot soup surprise is better than it used to be now that it is topped with coal ash.
I was so sad and crying when I lost my playstation 3 but unfortunately, there was nobody to console me!
Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no.
Dear men, if you stopped seeing your wife as a woman, it doesn't mean that all men are blind.
Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.
The hardest part of getting a girls phone number is working up the courage to go through her trash and get it.
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph
I'll never forget my grandpa's final words, "stop shaking the ladder you cunt."
Smoking is a slow death! But we're not in a hurry...
Q: What do you call a bench full of white people?A: The MLB.
If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.
I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium.
My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.
One day I shall solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be alcohol.
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.