I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.
I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.
When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.
Do you know what a Timberwolf is? No. Thats a guy that chases a girl up a tree and kisses her inbetween the limbs.
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
You cannot eat me unless you spread me. -Butter
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
What makes you think this is my first time?
That whole "letting go" of your ex is always more satisfying when they're dangling over an abyss.
I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.
Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!
You need some more fuel for that fire? Cause I got some wood for you right here.
How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in and another to stand around and say 'FABULOUS!'
Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten.
I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.
Q: What's the difference between England and a teabag? A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.
Hey baby, I heard that rabbits, can make 150 babies a year, how many do you think we can make in an hour?
I'll get you wetter than a Scottish summer.
How do you starve a black man? Put his food stamps in his work boots.