Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
*Puts down phone* OH MY GOD I HAVE ANOTHER HAND!
A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It's called Nacho Mama.
What did the blonde say when someone blew in her ear? Thanks for the refill.
Girl: Why are you so ugly? Boy: I'm you from the future.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose; to pay for self destruction
Why do blacks smell? So blind people can hate them too.
Missionary Impossible: When 2 fat people try to have sex.
Why is a man's pee yellow, and his sperm white? So he can tell if he's coming or going.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Since my girlfriend discovered out the eyeroll and tongue sticking emojis she doesn't have to type words anymore.
To the 20 year old girl who wrote an essay claiming she is too pretty to be allowed to lead a normal life:Same.
My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus
I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.