You're 10 times more likely to die when your girlfriend says, "I'm fine" than when you are flying on an airplane.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said, "Are you going to help?" I said, "No, six should be enough."
Dont stop! I dont usually get to see beauty in motion
Relationship status: Autocorrect changes my girl to my grill.
You seem like the kind of person who always tried to open the wrong side of the milk carton in grade school.
What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!
Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
You won't drink away the alcoholism.
Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"
I don't need a reason to enjoy a little wine. I just need a glass.
It is said that, a way to a man's heart goes through a stomach. Aha...you might think that men go to their lovers to eat some soup.
If you have worked and didn't get anything, it means someone else got it.
I run faster horny than you do scared.
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.
Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Women are cursed, and men are the proof.