What has got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog!
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? Penis envy.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Her love makes my world go round.
In the competition of female logics, a random number generator won.
What do you call a black man in a tree? A branch manager.
New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you for a year!
What does a black person get for Christmas? Your bike.
Why do white peope call a Indians paiutes? Cuz paiutes was a Indians first words and they were like 30yrs old!
If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?
The main thing I want this holiday season is for someone to wake me when it's over.
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love.
Hey baby, wanna violate the Pauli Exclusion Principle with me?
What's the definition of black foreplay? Don't scream or I'll kill you.
Why did God create gay men? So fat girls could dance.
A 'Jim's Dozen' is 11, because I take one for myself.
Hey there, mind if I take a bite? Cause your decomposing in ALL the right places.