I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl.
Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? Women working at 900 numbers.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company...
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they are used to eating nuts!
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions.
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals.
Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
I thought you'd be flattered that my dog found your leg so attractive.
If the answer to all questions is yes, so why not?
The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".
Coldplay is like depression you can hear.
Sex is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!
Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.
We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.