No checks (Czechs are welcome).
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
What's a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
He is known as a miracle comic. If he's funny, it's a miracle!
Winter's coming so I'm knitting you a muffler. What size is your mouth?
Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:1. Stay together forever2. Break upNo pressure.
If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor.
Did you hear about that kid that had sex with his teacher? Yeah, he recently died from hi-fiving.
3-year-old: *stares at the baby* What does it do? Me: Nothing yet. She's not here to entertain you. 3: Me: 3: Can we get one that is?
You better hope you marry rich.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
Is that a Higgs boson in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything.
What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security.
You know, you're not that bad looking -- for a fat-ass.
What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? My pad or yours?
So I hear you like snakes...I have one its called a "trouser snake"
Do you have 11 protons? Cause your sodium fine.