I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
I'm selling a parachute just as new, used only one time, didn't open once.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't!
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind.
You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
You're so pretty, you could be in a beer commercial.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? A Yoghurt's got culture!
There is no I in Team, but there's always one big A... if you know what I mean.
Real men don't cry...tears for real men are only unnecessary liquids in the body.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body.
There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.
Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.