I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
An average teenage boy nowadays has seen more naked women than all of their ancestors put together.
My IQ came back negative.
What tea do hockey players drink? Penaltea!
Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing you will not only regret but will also suffer.
Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand...
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
How do you scare a snowman? You get a hairdryer!
What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?
Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key.
If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)
Are you Greek (If No) are you sure cause you look like a goddess to me?
Loltard: Someone who uses 'lol' too much.
What do you call a gay Ginger? Flaming.
Trust but verify.