So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.
Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.
If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
668 The neighbour of the beast.
They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I say 'everything' includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Q: What did the nurse say to John Cena? A: ICU.
My wife is not buying that autocorrect changed "You're psychic" to "You're psycho."
The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
I am not the kind of girl you can take home to your wife.
I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But roses are wilting, violets are dead, sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.
My mind is like a steel trap. Rusty and illegal in 37 states.
If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney.
I always give 110%. Oops. Left out the decimal point. I always give 1.10%.