Being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to the queen. On the one hand it is a great honour, but you dread the moment when you have to rise to perform.
Wanna expand my polynomial?
Girl, we can play zoo..and you can tame my monkey
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!
How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?
If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear? A hole in it.
What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
She's so ugly, the fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And..
Did you hear about the homosexual letter? Only came in male boxes.
If you were a basketball, could I drive you, and lay you up?
Any woman deserves sex, but not every woman a second time.
Despite my last 12,000 tweets, I'm actually really fun.
Why don t women have men s brains? Because they don't have penises to put them in
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
How do you starve a black man? Put his food stamps in his work boots.
I'll get you wetter than a Scottish summer.
You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults.
Lets role play I'll be Osama, You be a cave, and I'll hide up inside you