If your going to be two faced at least make one of them pretty.
How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Never answer an anonymous letter.
Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally.
No Deja vu please...I Don't want to go through that again
Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just blow the leaves at each other's houses, right?
The kiss is a wordless articulation of desire whose object lies in the future, and somewhat to the south.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?
What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones? Because they were still monkeys.
Blind man walks into a bar... And a table, and a chair.
Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace.
don't regret doing things, regret getting caught
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.
Scientists proved that cows don't give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.