When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Q: What's that thing called when you're only attracted to married men and gay men?A: Oh. Single. It's called single.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Change your Facebook Status to "I'm Pregnant" or "I'm Engaged" and watch the April Fools LIKE & Comment away.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Hey baby, I heard that rabbits, can make 150 babies a year, how many do you think we can make in an hour?
What pants do ghosts wear? BOO jeans.
Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank.
A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
You are my methods. I am nothing without you.
Lets play railroad I'll be the train and ur the tunnel
Why don't women have men's brains?Because they don't have penises to put them in.
How do you get a black man out of a tree? Cut the rope.
Women who seek to be equal to men...LACK AMBITION!
Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces? For the chance to gain some experience in the service.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending? Because they needed to be ad-dressed!
What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch? A bird that's ugly but doesn't give a hoot!
To the question What are you doing here?' 72% answered negative.