You're like a fat stump, I'm always falling over you.
That whole "letting go" of your ex is always more satisfying when they're dangling over an abyss.
Why did the referees stop the leper hockey game? There was a face-off in the corner.
I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.
I've never once been able to explain my car trouble to a mechanic without resorting to sound effects.
Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!
Do you know karate? Cause your body's kickin!
You need some more fuel for that fire? Cause I got some wood for you right here.
How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in and another to stand around and say 'FABULOUS!'
Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten.
I wish you were on the football team because I'd love to see your backfield in motion.
Q: What's the difference between England and a teabag? A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.
I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.
I hugged someone once and they expected it every time they saw me. I'll never do that again.
If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.
What makes you think this is my first time?
I always wanted to be just like my mother. Today I'm working on dramatically clutching my throat when I'm told the price of anything.
Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".