So I hear you like snakes...I have one its called a "trouser snake"
A girl never comments on another unless she's jealous.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
Girl, if you were a camel, I'd hump you!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.
Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a "wound" it closed.
Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!
Why don't blacks like Tylenol? They have to pick cotton to get to them.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A boo-tie.
Winter is natures way of telling you to polish.
I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward.
Love is like peeing yourself everyone can see but only you feel the warmth.
There's good climate in heaven, but a better company in hell.
I'm being managed by Don King again
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics.
When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.
Do you know what a Timberwolf is? No. Thats a guy that chases a girl up a tree and kisses her inbetween the limbs.
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.