If mummies are from egypt, then where are daddies from?
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? "Cause you're fatter than they are."
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.
I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
I'm selling a parachute just as new, used only one time, didn't open once.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't!
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind.
You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
You're so pretty, you could be in a beer commercial.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? A Yoghurt's got culture!