What's long, black and smelly? The unemployment line.
Men should be like coffee: strong, hot and not letting you sleep for the whole night. However, most of them are like copy machines: suitable only for reproduction.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Love is an extreme sympathy that leads to bed.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
An iron rule of a leader make love to your wife in the morning and you will be the first.
Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the Histoy channel.
Do you need space? Join NASA!
Idiot college called, they want there mascot back.
You must be a magnetic monopole because all I get from you is attraction.
What's a man's idea of a balanced diet? Beer in each hand!
You're more special than relativity.
Spider-man has been unmasked in all his last 4 films. If I was him, I wouldn't even bother dressing up.
How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?
Are you sitting on the F5 key? Because your backside is refreshing.
I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen...
If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!
I didn't know angels could fly so low.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.