If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Deja Vu When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap.
Men don't realize that if we're sleeping with them on the first date, we're probably not interested in seeing them again either.
If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If you are here - who is running hell?
Programming is like sex; one mistake and you have to support for a lifetime.
1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
Life is scary; at least the salary is funny.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream.
A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working.
If a man talks dirty to a woman, that's sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that'll be $6.50 a minute.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
How do construction workers party? they raise the roof.