Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
How do you scare a snowman? You get a hairdryer!
Are you Greek (If No) are you sure cause you look like a goddess to me?
Black magic.... It doesn't work.
Loltard: Someone who uses 'lol' too much.
What do you call a gay Ginger? Flaming.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 80? Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!
No checks (Czechs are welcome).
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
What's a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
He is known as a miracle comic. If he's funny, it's a miracle!
Winter's coming so I'm knitting you a muffler. What size is your mouth?
Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:1. Stay together forever2. Break upNo pressure.
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
What food describes most men? Jerky.
I'm Only Here For The Free Food
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? My pad or yours?
3-year-old: *stares at the baby* What does it do? Me: Nothing yet. She's not here to entertain you. 3: Me: 3: Can we get one that is?
My wife hired a fact checker for when we argue.