Generally, all generalisations are false.
Just trying to give my kids a few childhood memories they don't have to repress...
True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.
There are no winners in life ...only survivors.
What did the light bulb say to the switch? "You turn me on."
Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack.
Men are like Bluetooth. When they're close they're connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I'm trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot.
Chem students do it on the table periodically.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
Let's emotionally damage each other and call it Love.
He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic he got up on one knee.
You're sweeter than 3.14
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Alcohol won't mend a broken heart.But that doesn't mean I won't try it again tonight.