The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo.
Nothing brings neighbors together, like a broken elevator.
If you see me with a water bottle, there's probably vodka in it
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
The last time someone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years!
If you get in the mood to do some work, someone will always wake you up.
What's long, black and smelly? The unemployment line.
Men should be like coffee: strong, hot and not letting you sleep for the whole night. However, most of them are like copy machines: suitable only for reproduction.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Love is an extreme sympathy that leads to bed.
What's a man's idea of a balanced diet? Beer in each hand!
An iron rule of a leader make love to your wife in the morning and you will be the first.
Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the Histoy channel.
Do you need space? Join NASA!
Idiot college called, they want there mascot back.
You must be a magnetic monopole because all I get from you is attraction.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.